5 Steps to Help You Recover From a Trigger (Even When You Thought You’ve Already Healed So Much)
In my previous post, I talked about the space between survival and thriving that I call revival. Revival is that place where you’re no longer focusing on merely the next smallest step to keep you alive. You’ve found growth and healing. You’re starting to let your wings unfurl. All those seeds you’ve planted in the past? They’re starting to bud, and you have hope again. You’re setting boundaries. You’re learning how to embody your most authentic self in all the most beautiful ways.
You might find that when this happens — right when you’re experiencing so much growth, you’re feeling so balanced, you’re having a-ha moments left and right — you still might get activated or triggered, suddenly and regularly, and you have no idea why it’s happening.
You thought you were doing better? Healing? Where is this coming from? You might be tempted to think that you’ve backslid or regressed. But the thing about healing is that it’s completely non-linear. You will have days you feel absolutely fantastic, and then days where you might still feel totally debilitated by a trigger. In fact, they might start to come more frequently in some ways, or they might be completely new triggers you’ve never experienced before. And that’s totally normal.
The reason those deep feelings are coming up is because when you were in survival mode, you didn’t have space to explore them, let alone to feel them. Those difficult emotions — the pain, the grief, the starvation — were relegated to the background because you had neither the energy nor the wherewithal to be able to feel them. To do so might have crushed you.
I will say, this is the beauty of our bodies, though — that they naturally know how to manage our emotional and biological needs to best help us get through to the next day. Even if, unfortunately, that means a bunch of pain later on.
But the pain won’t last forever. I also want to note that the pain is actually really important, because it acts as a signal. It’s there to point you towards what needs attention in your life, to show you where to put your energy, where to explore and root out, and where to breathe new life.
So what do you do, then, when you get triggered? How do you continue to create healing, even when it’s hard? Even when you’ve come so far?
Here are 5 things you can do:
The first step is to notice when you’re getting activated. This means paying attention to how you feel, as well as your behavior. Sometimes we’re not aware of what we’re feeling until we lash out at someone we care about, or until we realize we’ve been doom-scrolling for hours. When you notice that your behavior has shifted from its norm, that might be a good indicator that something is up. Pay attention to your thought-patterns, how you’re talking to yourself, and to emotions that seem to come out of nowhere as well. Once you notice them, it’s time for step two.
Take a breath. A long, intentional breath, in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Perhaps take several. The goal of doing so is to put some space between how you feel so that you can then choose how you want to respond. Just as you are not your thoughts, you’re also not your feelings. They’re a part of you, they’re useful, but they are not who you are. Once you can separate yourself from them, you can decide what to do next.
Show up for yourself. Let that little you inside that’s been in the background for so long know that you’re there for them, and that you’re listening. Byron Katie says emotions are like our children. It may be that for years you’ve been ignoring your wants, needs, desires, pain because your priority has been survival. Every time you ignore your emotions, it’s like slamming a door in a child’s face and telling them they don’t matter. I had done this for years myself until I started to learn how to honor every voice inside the way they deserved to be honored. Now, I get to be there for my little self and help them feel safe, seen, and heard in ways they never have been able to feel before. And when they start to see that they’re valued on a regular basis, you’ll find you start to come alive.
Validate your emotions. Over the years, we’ve learned to dismiss our emotions by numbing, putting ourselves down, or ignoring how we feel through toxic positivity (“Yeah, but it’s fine” — When it’s not. “At least I’m grateful for x, y, or z” — Though the pain is still so real). Over time, this tells that voice inside of you, that little self that just wants to be heard, that they’re not worth listening to. Instead, you can start to say, “I hear you. This is really hard. You’re really tired, or scared, or confused, and you have every right to be.” Really listen to how your body is feeling, and sit with it. Don’t try to change it, don’t try to make it better, and certainly don’t judge. Just be there for yourself, and see what happens.
Lastly, ask yourself, “What do you need in this moment? How can I help you feel safe? Comforted? Understood? What can I do?” Addressing your emotional needs like this may look different from your previous coping mechanisms in ways that surprise you, or they may look similar. It all comes down to how intentionally you give yourself what you need. Sometimes it may be as simple as continuing to sit with yourself as you feel this way without distractions. Or it may look like something a little more active. Perhaps your inner child needs to play, to frolic, to feel whimsical and free. Perhaps you need to vent to a trusted friend, or to engage with your creativity. Or perhaps you simply need rest: a bath. Reality TV. A good book. Whatever it is, as long as you’re doing it with intention and as a thoughtful response to help yourself feel seen and heard, as long as you’re actively working with yourself, rather than in opposition… you’ll be doing it right.
You might also find that your emotions ask you to engage with them on a deeper level. It may not be enough to simply acknowledge them and then build a blanket fort in the living room. Deep-seeded wounds often need time and effort to get to the root of them in order to find healing. This might take journaling, meditating, praying, doing The Work with a therapist or life coach, or all of the above.
However you approach this, please take good care to be gentle with yourself. This process is hard, and taxing. It is not easy. Give yourself grace in the moments when you want to breakdown, no matter how frequently they come, and allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling. Continue to validate your emotions, engage with them personally, and use heaps and heaps of self-compassion as you move through the journey.
Over time, you’ll see it will pay off. You’re still healing. You’re still growing. You’re still becoming your fullest, most authentically embodied self. You’re still stepping into your Power, and bringing yourself into alignment with the Path that helps you feel secure, free, and boundless. You deserve to feel this way, and you’re doing it. Keep going.
And remember, you don’t have to do it alone. If you aren’t sure how to move forward, you’re finding the process too difficult, confusing, painful, or you could just use some extra support, I’m here. Please feel free to book a free intro call — I’d love to meet you and see if there’s anything I can offer to help!
